worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
