I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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