i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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