i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Someone came in the potted fern
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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