i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
