She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize