Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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