I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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