your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
