Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
