The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
