Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
