are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
