I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Help. Why am I so naked?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
