His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
