just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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