Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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