I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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