i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
