i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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