im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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