I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
