so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
