broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
