and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
