I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
