My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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