I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
