are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
