As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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