these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
