T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
