K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
