I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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