We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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