I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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