My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
