It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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