Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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