I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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