I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
