after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
