I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
