oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
