just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
