You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
