My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
