White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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