I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
