hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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