Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
