Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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