you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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