guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
