I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
