Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
