pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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