When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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