He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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