If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
