People in love make me want to vomit
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
