i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
