this beer tastes like vomit already
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
