garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
