it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We don't watch enough power rangers
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
