she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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