your parents love me but you hate me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
